She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Randomize
