I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
