Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Never underestimate the power of titties
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