I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize