just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Randomize
