he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
