Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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