mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Randomize
