Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
