On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Randomize