why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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