Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
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