if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Randomize
