After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
