4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
well you can't waste a boner
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
Randomize
