It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
