I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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