he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
