So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Randomize
