When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
What drink are we having for lunch?
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
