Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Randomize
