when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Randomize
