I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
Randomize
