Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
