I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
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