i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Randomize
