I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Randomize
