She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
