You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Randomize
