remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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