Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
