Me too!
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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