This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
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