I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize