True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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