We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
