my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
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