Hey man sorry I got all grabby
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
