hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Ladies don't puke and tell
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