You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
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