i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Randomize
