Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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