The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Randomize
