so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
I got her a Nickelback box set.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Randomize
