dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
