i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Randomize
