OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
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