Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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