So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
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