cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
