the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
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