Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
