Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Randomize
