The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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