Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
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