you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
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