Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
