it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
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